Ep 103: Why Networking Isn’t Working for You (And What Actually Fixes It)

Welcome with your host and business guru, Nakisha King.

This podcast is the ultimate destination for women creative entrepreneurs who want to break free from burnout.

If you are overwhelmed by client demands and feel like you're doing this all alone, you, my friend, are in the right place.

Now let's dive in for steps to take back your time and simplify your workflow.

All right, Nikisha, take it away.

Hello and welcome to the iconic CEO podcast.

I am your host, Nikisha, and I am doing something different today.

Today, rather than being at my stationary desk, I'm going for a walk and walking with you and having a conversation about being a business owner, about marketing, and about how marketing that's organic can actually work for you, especially if you're an introvert.

Now, I've been speaking a couple episodes ago in regards to networking, and it's something that I foster and do now.

But there was a point where I was in isolation and I never did it.

So what I would love to do is tell you a little bit about my story of when I started my business, what I did to isolate myself and how I came out of isolation through marketing and getting out there in the world.

And at that moment in time, I didn't notice what it was, but today is something different.

And once I had my first daughter, my husband and I decided I would become a stay at home mom, aka a work at home mom.

After 30 years of not 30, 30 minus 13.

So maybe whatever number that is, you calculate it, I started working at 13.

So 13 to 30, I was always employed.

Why?

Because I didn't have a mom who can pay for everything I wanted, but I had a mom that would reward me when I did well in school, when I did well in anything.

And they would give me like allowance here and there, not consistent consistently.

So in order for me to take care of myself and do what I loved, partying and traveling, I had to have a job.

So working for me was my norm.

And at 31, when I had my first daughter, that kind of stopped.

And when it stopped, something happened.

I learned in that moment that I tended to isolate myself, meaning I didn't want my family around to tell me what to do because I'm a. I'm a figure it out kind of human being, you know what I'm talking about, the one that goes through hardships but will still push through.

I am that person.

I will fight my way through anything.

I Will not fall down, I will not give up.

I might cry, but I won't give up.

And in that time when I was doing that, being a parent, first time parent, is very challenging.

There's so much to learn in such a short period of time.

And you're responsible 100% for someone's well being, where before that you were only responsible for self.

So in that time, I isolated.

I hardly went out.

I started my business.

I kinda went inward because I was in survival mode.

2014, My next daughter came.

The time of having children was the time that I pretty much didn't do business.

I did some of it because I wanted to make money.

I only knew how to make money.

So I did have clients, small amounts here and there, but I wasn't really out in the world.

And how they came to me, I was either on thumbtack, I was on some platform that allowed me to bid, or be in a bidding war to even get a client.

So bidding my prices down, I was a commodity, not a specialized service.

Although I was doing wedding invitations.

That is specialized.

And when I moved to Jersey, New Jersey, I had to reinvent myself because my kids were starting to enter the school system.

My oldest, my youngest was still with me and I wanted to do something differently.

So what did I do?

I started to get out.

I volunteered for the biggest fundraiser event in my daughter's school.

And I started to get to know people.

And the one thing I said to me, I want everyone to know what I do.

Therefore, networking was my tool.

Not paid ads, not any pay for play situation.

But what it was was networking.

And at that moment, I didn't know it was networking I was doing.

I thought I was just a mom helping out on the pta.

But what it was was Nikisha had to get out from behind closed doors into public and deliver her talent and skills.

She's been learning and curating for the last, what, 34 years of my life, minus zero to five.

So 30 years of my life, like all the math that we're doing today.

So in networking, it's very clear that you can see networking doesn't always mean business.

It can mean so many things.

For me, it was getting out there.

So I networked in my children's school.

They got to know who I was, they got to know who I am and trust me, and learn about me and see my capabilities.

And when they did that, they sometimes raised their hands for my stationary services.

Sometimes they raised their hand so I can help them with planning something.

Became co chair to certain events, did really well.

And this is how people had an opportunity to get to know me.

Things were happening to me out of my control and I couldn't control it, therefore there was no solution.

2021 Things happened that made me see world differently.

There was a book called A happy pocket full of Money where it helped me get out of scarcity thinking victimhood into I am first cause I am abundant.

I am capable of anything I choose through my own power and energy.

And when I did that, something changed.

I did my coaching certification that changed my being of processing thoughts, of learning when I speak to people, not to take it personal when people say things always being okay to get clarification, not misinterpreting it my way with my beautiful lens.

But I learned how to interact with this world.

And in doing so, I started to fall in love with you.

I started to fall in love with people.

Over 500 people.

It was work hard, play hard by the life coach school and being in that room, I was able to just be present, be in engrossed with all these people and not feel overwhelmed, not feel like this wasn't my space.

But I felt like these people had so many good stories and interesting stories and I wanted to listen to it.

That's the year I came home and I started the podcast leading her way that is now known as the iconic CEO podcast you're listening to.

And in that moment, I realized I had a voice.

I had a voice because it was just who I was.

I've known, I've always known I had a voice, but I've never paid attention when people talk about my voice.

And I should have a podcast because I was never the person that will listen to someone and be like because you said I should, I should.

But I was a person that in that moment that have grown to love networking, love people, realize what I can do with this voice waste.

And once that happened for me, then I created something called the first quarter connection quarter.

And what that was is the first three months of the year, January through March, I will schedule my Months full of people because that's was low season in the event industry because up in the north is cold.

And I would speak to so many people.

And every time I spoke to so many people, I was crafting my networking skills.

I was comfortable asking questions, being inquisitive, learning about them doing things.

And it was so good because every time someone got off the call with me, they had a response that made me know the conversation was amazing.

And this, my friend, was the moment I realized what is happening, what is this thing that I have that I'm doing.

And everything once again started changing.

Networking changed for me.

Pta, zoom meetings.

And then as I joined communities, now I'm in the pay to play position, right?

The first two was free.

I volunteered my time, I made appointments for connection calls.

But then I stepped up my game.

I stepped on my game because now it was time to pay to play.

So what I started to do is find communities that I would pay into.

The first one was a wedding community for mindset work, working with million dollar clientele.

The second was, was a community for sales group.

So I was learning how to sell my services.

And then after those two, I went to one to one coaching and one to one coaching came because I had a connection with someone who introduced me to my coach that changed my life.

So you see how this is evolving.

I want you to notice this.

All of my life and in business I've always been networking, but it looked different.

And it is something you have the power to to keep small or expand.

So I'm showing you my evolution of networking.

The PT was small, was voluntary volunteering.

I had my own zoom meetings with COVID right?

Volunteering my time to talk and then paying into programs and communities where I got to network because people get to know you there too, but learn at the same time.

After my coaching, I got into life coach school, did my code of my coaching certification.

That's a whole nother community, right?

And two, I got to decide which communities I would pay into and where would I go.

And I've done a bunch of them and I've done them to understand how it feels, what is right.

To the point where today networking for me is very different.

Because when you pay or you invest in a community, you want to ensure that that community serves you the way it can.

So for instance, I recall I joined a community, it was an all woman community.

First sold to us as divine feminine energy.

And I wanted to be able to do not only do feminine energy, but masculine too.

And the person who sold that informed me that that community was a mix.

Boy, oh, boy, did that business owner have a lot of masculine energy.

So I joined that community.

But the community was very into spiritual modalities, which is amazing.

But Nikisha was not ready for that.

So for a year, I was in that program.

I paid for it, but it wasn't the space for me.

It didn't match my energy in that moment in time.

These are part of the networking community now.

This is where you are right now.

You're trying to find the space that is what matches your needs.

But my question to you is, how do you identify that space?

How do you know that space is made for you before you enter it?

How do you know those are your people or not?

You really don't know.

That's my point.

You really have no clue.

And you can discover based on your criteria of the people you work with.

You can also discover based on who you are.

What is it you're seeking?

What is it you're looking for?

These are the questions I usually teach my clients and my community, my iconic CEOs, what to look for.

Because, yes, you can do what I did, right?

We keep investing in communities and we learn they're not for us.

Because I'm not going in with intention.

I'm going in with curiosity.

I'm going in with this looks good, but I'm not really going.

Do I really want to be a part of something like this where they do more energy work than business work?

You know, I was kind of searching for my soul.

What am I doing?

What can I give?

I was searching, and my searching was taking me.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

But as I got mature in my networking game, I started to say, what is it I truly want?

And for me, I want my business to grow financially.

I want to be in a room where people will refer me, require my services, and I want to be in a room where I practice to become better at my presentation.

They call it elevator pitch.

I don't call it that.

My words.

What am I gonna do or say to attract people in?

I don't remember when, but I couldn't go then because it was far.

I had kids.

I had to take them to school.

They were my priority.

But recently and last year, I was reintroduced by someone else that I met at a networking event.

And they had told me about a company, b I Business networking international.

And I recall my friend who I love dearly, who had told me about that.

And the time aligned because now there was one in my community down the block.

I could walk to it, I could drive to it and be there in two minutes, Very easy.

So I went visit.

They're a group of people that I enjoy.

They're funny, they're really good at what they do.

And I joined it.

But here's the best part about joining it.

BNI has a stigma, a stigma of pressure, a stigma of you have to do this, you have to do that.

And a lot of women don't like that ideology.

But here's what I wanted from bni.

I wanted masculine energy.

I wanted to be in the room to see how these people perform.

And I wanted to get to know this type of personality.

I wanted to see it, I wanted to understand it.

The reason I wanted to understand it was because I'm working with different business owners.

Is it really true what they say about male business owners compared to women?

So I was doing my research and development when I joined the community.

What even made it better was everything I was doing.

Networking, connecting was what they expected me to do.

It's the thing that they were structured to do.

So I didn't fall into their model, they fell into my model.

They were already aligned with me because of how they did it.

We have the taro one, which is one to ones.

Be.

Be present your attendance, one to one connections.

Refer someone and invite visitors into the room.

And there's one more thing.

Education.

I didn't have any problem with that because that's who I am.

If something's good, I'm gonna tell you about it.

Oh, one to ones connections all day, every day.

Education.

I'm always learning, right?

So it aligns so well with me that when I went in for four consecutive months, I was at 100%.

And being 100%, you get recognized for it.

But here's the thing.

I joined a community that matched me.

My energy, my purpose, the way I do things.

And that's what I'm saying for you.

So as you're on your journey for networking.

Networking is more than walking into a room with your business cards.

It is so much more than walking into a room with your business cards.

It is more of is that room for you?

How do you know that room's for you when you're in the room?

How to do research and development, how to get 100% of what you need out of that room, and you can do that.

It is up to you.

It's your control.

Although you feel like the room doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you because you haven't learned how to make it work for you.

You haven't even learned how to identify it as, can this work for me?

I was in rooms that didn't work because I wasn't aligned with it.

I never said that this doesn't work for me.

I just said, this is not where I belong.

Right?

I knew how to identify that.

I knew how to identify that.

So here's what I need you to do.

Think about this.

Networking.

1.

How do you identify the room that belongs to you?

What's your purpose of networking?

All of us have one purpose.

To get leads, to lead to clientele, to get to know people, to refer them.

Sometimes we leave that for last, but sometimes, what would it look like if you went in leading that way?

What if you went in a room curious about who's in that room?

So you can learn how to become a Rolodex of information where people go, hey, they usually do.

I know Nikisha would know, Nikisha, I'm looking for this.

You got a guy?

I got a guy.

I got a gal.

I got whatever you need.

I became the Rolodex.

I love being the Rolodex.

I love serving others through connection.

So it worked out for me in that regards.

2.

When you're in the room, what are you gonna say?

How will they know you so well that when they're in the world, when they're in their network, they hear someone say something, you come up in their mind.

How will you get them to know you so well that they will be connecting you to your ideal leads?

Because everything you've done has taken that action, like have created that result for you.

3.

When you're in the room, how do you ensure you are showing up in the best way possible so you're getting the return on your investment?

These are the questions you should be asking about networking.

Networking is a skill set.

There is a right and wrong way, and we know the wrong way how to identify it.

I walk into a room crowded of people for free.

I give out my cards, I come home, put it on my desk.

I never follow up because I'm just busy with a long list.

And all of those potential leads, all of those potential conversations go nowhere.

Return on investing, investment zero.

I went, spent two to three hours in a room, walked out Nothing happened after that.

That's the wrong way.

You may not like hearing right and wrong, but my dear, that's the way that doesn't give you any results.

That's the way that affects your business and limits it to grow.

Now, what's the right way?

First, you walk into a room that was created for you because everything in that room aligns with who you are.

Two, you seek out at least five people and you have a connection with them.

Why?

You said something that pulls them in and they want to call with you because you just became curious to them.

Three, you follow up with every person you meet.

10, 20, It doesn't matter.

And when you follow up, your follow up game is so good that they get on your calendar and they show up for the call, right?

And then when you're on the call with them, you ask such great questions.

Now they're like, oh, she's not after me, she wants to help me.

And now you become a resource to them.

And after that call, you go, hey, I would love to have another call with you.

Let's get something on the calendar again.

And in your mind, if you are thinking as you're listening to this, oh my God, that's so much time.

You still haven't gotten what networking is.

If you think you're too busy, stay in the too busy mentality.

Stay in the too busy mentality where your company is stagnant because you're too busy not doing the 20% that will get you an 80% return.

Stay in that state of being.

But if you know right now everything I've described that feels like you've not been doing networking right.

I want to invite you in a very intimate, exclusive room on Tuesday, October 20, in person, not a webinar, not this one.

This one is going to be in person.

In Berkeley Heights, New Jersey, I'm hosting the fully booked workshop where I'm teaching how to do networking right.

How to be strategic, how to show up in the rooms you belong in, how to attract at least five people in that room that will lead you, that will lead you to the people you are desiring for your clientele.

If you're a service provider, woman owned company, you are coaching, you're in wellness, a nail specialist, a masseuse, therapist, whatever you do, you sell nutritional items, you sell Mary Kay, you are a service provider and networking is your number one marketing plan.

But you are not reaping the rewards from it.

Then this room is for you.

But like I said, 12 spots, only nine are left.

Will you reserve your seat so you can get the highest return on your networking game.

Will you be that woman business owner who knows next year's different game plan?

You are going to show up fully in your business because it's done.

You're done.

You're done playing it small, you're done shrinking.

It is time for you to elevate your game and it starts on Tuesday, October 20th.

And the best part on this event is that it's a day where we work on your action plan.

I'm not here to keynote anything, but I'm here to get in your business and workshop it right there in the room with you.

And I am so excited because the women in that room will have a transformation in their business and will reap the reward of it in a way that they don't even know yet.

So thank you for always just coming on this walk with me.

First time doing this.

Let's see how our audio audible sounds and my editor has to do some magic.

I have created through my actions, through my desires, and sharing it with you just by being on a walk with you.

I truly, truly look forward to seeing you on Tuesday, October 20th.

And if I don't see you there in the room, I, I will bring it to you virtually.

So if you're somewhere else and you're like, I need this, I got you.

Have a great, great week and I cannot wait to see you.

P.S.

Of course I'll leave it there for you where you could find me and find all the information you need about the fully booked workshop.

I cannot wait to see you on Tuesday, October 20th.

Have an amazing, amazing week.

Before you go, I have one more thing for you.

If anything you've heard today sparks something in you, don't let that feeling sit.

That is a signal.

You are building something real.

You are creating impact.

And somewhere between the vision and the day today, it can start feeling like you are doing it alone.

But you don't have to.

The iconic CEO communities where women entrepreneurs like you, who are serious about growth come together to build the structure, the systems and the team that their business actually needs.

We're talking about your first hire, your first real process, your first breath of okay, this is finally working.

If you're ready to stop guessing and start scaling, click the link in the show notes, let's have a conversation.

I want to hear about what you are building and show you exactly how we can take it further.

Thank you so much for tuning in to Iconic CEO Podcast today.

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And until next time, keep leading, keep building, and dare to become the iconic CEO you were always meant to be.